Wednesday, December 10, 2003
Nothing so far...
"Without laughter, there is no hope, and without hope, there is nothing."
Here it is, Wed morning, and I still have not heard from Bruce. I hope he calls today, I sure need to get to work. Chatted with Gini today, she lives in Belgium. Met her online in our group, heartsonthemend. she too is going through a tough time with a man she loves dearly. i find it both interesting and somewhat of a comfort, that feelings of love, pain, rejection, they have no age limit. while i dont want to ever hurt again as i have been doing these past 2 months, at least i know i will never be too old to fall in love or enjoy the touch of someone that loves me. i miss tam very much, and i am doing my best to move on, but it is hard. part of me wishes her all the best, while part of me wants her to hurt a little, just enough that she might remember all that was good in our relationship and figure out those 3 elements i have found to be what i think is the key to a lasting relationship. once again they are:
1) communication. you must start with communication or the next 2 will never take place
2) negotiation. whatever the issue, you cannot argue about it. you must negotiate to find a resolution.
3) compromise. once you have communicated the issues at hand, in order to negotiate a solution there must be compromise, on both sides.
i write this tuff here because i truly believe this is what cost me my marriage to tammi. i never want to forget these things, so i will continue to write them, to read them, to practice them so i never, ever have to go through this again. i practice them in my daily life right now, with my parents. i truly believe if i can make it a good habit, then someday, with tam or somebody else, i will be better prepared to handle anything that comes up. i like to think i tried to do this with tam this past summer, and i feel i partially did, but i also feel she did not, and therefore we did not do enough. if i had felt this way, i could have taken the lead and done a better job of it. i wish tam could read these things, understand what it is i am saying and think to herself, "yes, we could have done a better job of communicating, negotiating, and compromising" and try to work it out. she thinks i am so hard headed i will not compromise, but that just is not true. i am stubborn, but never to the point of it costing me my marriage. i do not believe compromise means kissing someones ass, or letting them have their way all the time, sometimes i will win and sometimes she will win, but in the end, we all lose if we dont communicate, negotiate, and compromise. hard lesson to once again learn.
Here it is, Wed morning, and I still have not heard from Bruce. I hope he calls today, I sure need to get to work. Chatted with Gini today, she lives in Belgium. Met her online in our group, heartsonthemend. she too is going through a tough time with a man she loves dearly. i find it both interesting and somewhat of a comfort, that feelings of love, pain, rejection, they have no age limit. while i dont want to ever hurt again as i have been doing these past 2 months, at least i know i will never be too old to fall in love or enjoy the touch of someone that loves me. i miss tam very much, and i am doing my best to move on, but it is hard. part of me wishes her all the best, while part of me wants her to hurt a little, just enough that she might remember all that was good in our relationship and figure out those 3 elements i have found to be what i think is the key to a lasting relationship. once again they are:
1) communication. you must start with communication or the next 2 will never take place
2) negotiation. whatever the issue, you cannot argue about it. you must negotiate to find a resolution.
3) compromise. once you have communicated the issues at hand, in order to negotiate a solution there must be compromise, on both sides.
i write this tuff here because i truly believe this is what cost me my marriage to tammi. i never want to forget these things, so i will continue to write them, to read them, to practice them so i never, ever have to go through this again. i practice them in my daily life right now, with my parents. i truly believe if i can make it a good habit, then someday, with tam or somebody else, i will be better prepared to handle anything that comes up. i like to think i tried to do this with tam this past summer, and i feel i partially did, but i also feel she did not, and therefore we did not do enough. if i had felt this way, i could have taken the lead and done a better job of it. i wish tam could read these things, understand what it is i am saying and think to herself, "yes, we could have done a better job of communicating, negotiating, and compromising" and try to work it out. she thinks i am so hard headed i will not compromise, but that just is not true. i am stubborn, but never to the point of it costing me my marriage. i do not believe compromise means kissing someones ass, or letting them have their way all the time, sometimes i will win and sometimes she will win, but in the end, we all lose if we dont communicate, negotiate, and compromise. hard lesson to once again learn.
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